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If Only It Were True...... (ie: We Totally Made It Up)

29 Jun 2003

Gwynnie spotted in A-Markets?

Rumours are reaching the office that current Chris Martin squeeze Gwyneth Paltrow has been spotted on site involved in a bizarre showbiz strop involving apple sauce.

The Shakespeare In Love Oscar winning lovely was allegedly witnessed in A-Market wearing a Harry Potter hat, a fluffy bra and welly boots, standing at the Hog Roast with a £4 roll in her hand and yelling at the assistant who had no apple sauce to offer her. "If you're gonna have pig, you gotta have apple." Gwynno was alleged to scream while stamping her foot.

Efforts were made to send Ms.Paltrow's PA on one of the outbound helicopters but the local grocers in West Pennard didn't have a landing pad and were unwilling to close the store while the PA perused the shelves in private. "We had Posh and Becks in here the other week," a representative of the store huffed, "they certainly weren't expecting any special treatment".

A spokesperson for the Paltrow camp was unavailable for comment but sources close to Gwyneth quoted her response as "Aa-a-ayafuuuuuu.....".

Stalker is in hiding from Chris Martin, in fear for his life.

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