Madness Maestro, Please

22 Jun 2003

The Last Weekend Before Glastonbury has now come and gone. All across the land garages have been turned upside down, tents tested in gardens, Millets have had a battering. We're all ready. Or are we?

Further reports are reaching the office of sensible and respectable behavior intended for this year's festival. This news is greatly concerning to all of us here who believe an injection of lunacy is in urgent need after last year's 'most mellow festival in history' and simply will not do. We need your help to ensure this does not happen again.

We don't want to see the kind of bewildered and meek faces we saw last year, a few too many being a bit too sensible, a few too few shouting bollocks. C'mon, you're all big boys and girls, would you play up a little bit please? We would like to see unbridled examples of unparalleled stupidity. It makes us laugh and you love it, you slag. This is what you must do:

10 THINGS YOU MUST DO AT GLASTONBURY THIS YEAR:

  • Overdo everything
  • Completely lose the plot
  • Talk utter bollocks
  • Start something off
  • Lie through your teeth
  • Believe an unbelievable rumour
  • Cop off with someone
  • Burn something
  • Stare down the Long Drops
  • Hide from somebody

Right, now get on with it. And don't come back until you've made someone either laugh or punch you...

Words: Stalker

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